


Insights on the Force

by Merfilly



Series: Padawan Plight [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Force Visions, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 13:12:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8579896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merfilly/pseuds/Merfilly
Summary: Ahsoka and Barriss work on mending their friendship. And Ahsoka learns a lesson.





	

Ahsoka came in from the hydro-therapy room, towel wrapped around her as a concession to the modesty of others, and sniffed the tantalizing aromas. That was a real steak she smelled, among the less appealing odors of vegetable matter. She poked her head into the kitchen, half-expecting to find one of the healers present, but it was Barriss handling the cooking equipment.

There had been a lot of awkward silence between them since they each had gone to sessions on back-to-back days. Her own sessions were being handled by Knight Nimpur, as the Devaronian had a better awareness of cultures with an almost evolutionary tendency toward violence. They had managed meditation, though it had been individual, without even trying to go to the deeper levels of connection. Yet, Barriss wasn't avoiding her, and Ahsoka was not the kind to do so, not when she had been given a task to complete.

"That smells good?" Ahsoka said, hating that her voice ended on the upward note of a question. Barriss looked at her, then quickly away, as the green skin darkened some. Ahsoka frowned, then remembered how she must look to the very modest Mirialan. "I'll be back." She left for her room, stripping the towel off, and finding the longer hip-wrap and a loose tunic that wouldn't irritate her skin among the clothes for her use. 

She paused before replacing her headdress, not having wanted to wear it in the heavy salts of the therapy pool. Her lekku and her montrals were very itchy, despite having showered before returning to the apartment. She went and used a damp cloth to cleane them carefully, hoping that would alleviate the itch, but it only lessened it somewhat. 

"Right, idiot. Master Ti said they'd itch in a growth spurt," she said as she rubbed at the back of her central lek. She rummaged in the 'fresher, finding a lotion that smelled far too floral, but didn't irritate the skin of her hand when she tested it. Another test on the tip of her right lek confirmed it was safe for her to use, and she started rubbing it lightly into the skin of her growing organs. Getting all of the central one was tricky, but eventually she was satisfied, nothing was itching, and she could place the akul headdress back on where it belonged, along with her padawan beads.

She was as dressed as she was willing to be, and the tunic was definitely a concession to the other padawan. Maybe if she bent that far, since Barriss was actually cooking _meat_ for her, they could work on fixing what had been pretty badly damaged the other day.

She walked back out to find the food on plates, sitting at the small table, and Barriss waiting politely for her.

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have taken so long to get dressed."

Barriss's eyes flicked over the more concealing clothing, and inexplicably her skin darkened again before she made a gesture to the chair. "I hope I cooked it correctly, Ahsoka," she said softly. "And I only just brought everything to the table. So there is no need for an apology."

"That you cooked it for me is very appreciated, Barriss," Ahsoka said, settling into her chair with grace. She was trying very hard to keep her manners to more formal levels, shedding some of her bad habits from taking meals and relaxation with her men. With them, they didn't need formality; they needed her to be as close to them as she could allow herself to be. With Barriss, though, who was aching and raw from the war and what it was doing to everyone she knew, the formality was a salve on poorly healed wounds.

"I wished to make amends for my poor words the other day," Barriss said softly as she picked up her eating utensils. "I was rude and thoughtless, as well as ill-informed on certain things. Can you forgive me?"

Ahsoka paused in cutting the first bite, and then looked at the other girl with a very soft smile. "I do, Barriss. I think we both have differing ideas on many things, but… maybe we can help each other grow a little in the way we go forward?"

"I hope so."

+++

After the meal, rather than begin to study, Barriss put soft music on and settled on the couch, leaving the end open for Ahsoka to join her. The younger girl did, then tipped her head toward the other girl.

"You didn't get in trouble, did you? You're not pushing yourself to be in my company because someone told you to, are you? Because that's not right, and I'd be very angry for your sake."

Barriss found herself amazed, all over again, at the way Ahsoka was so blunt and forward with the way she thought and tackled life. That she wished to give her protection (and shouldn't Barriss be protecting her, as the elder one of them?) to Barriss, when Barriss had all but yelled at her over friendship was staggering to the elder padawan.

"I did not get in trouble, no," Barriss told her, settling with her feet tucked under her, back to the arm of the couch, watching Ahsoka. She was not going to dwell on the fact that she was having illicit reactions to the change in clothing. Why should seeing less of the orange skin trigger that reaction, when Ahsoka barely covered her breasts and … and lower. 

She hoped she wasn't blushing again.

"Then you want to be nice to me?" Ahsoka was being very careful with her wording, and the effort wasn't lost on Barriss.

"I wish to mend our friendship… if you will allow it. I was incorrect, and have talked through part of why I lashed out." The Mirialan dropped her gaze, shame replacing the warmer feelings.

Ahsoka's hand crept out, resting close enough that Barriss could touch if she wanted.

The older girl did so, fingers resting lightly on the smaller hand.

"I never stopped being your friend, even if you did get angry with me over it," Ahsoka admitted. "I think I saw you were maybe scared of it?"

Barriss's heart fluttered, and she met the wide eyes of the younger girl with awe. How did someone so much younger keep seeing right through her, when her own master couldn't read her? "Yes," she admitted. "I've never really had a friend, not like that."

Ahsoka smiled at her then, and shook her head. "I've got hundreds of friends now, because I make it a point to try and get to know all the men, but in the Temple? I didn't really have many. Too busy, too much in trouble, too young for the group I was peers with, and too advanced for my age-mates." She shrugged. "Didn't stop me from trying. I like people. It's part of my nature."

Barriss slowly smiled, then curled her fingers around Ahsoka's. "I thought it was normal not to make true friendships, that it was part of the Code. I failed to see the ones around me, because I don't really understand people, sometimes. I just want to fix them when they are hurting, and find ways to keep them from being hurt."

"Make you a deal? You keep helping me with meditation, and I will figure out a way to give you pointers on people." Ahsoka wiggled her fingers in Barriss's until she had their fingers entwined.

"I think that is a good deal," the elder girl said, nor did she shy away from the increased contact.

+++

Ahsoka was beyond knowing who she was, lost in a warm mesh of light and power that beckoned her onward, to join in the communal sense of existence that flowed within the Force. She had never gotten this far while meditating. It felt almost like she was dreaming —

~Because you are, little one.~

The voice made Ahsoka flinch and look around, only finding a small winged bird, one she thought she had seen before in other visions. She found the bird both frightening and reassuring in one move, making her confusion grow.

~Shh, little one. Think over the times I have come to you, and you will understand.~

Ahsoka let her memory sharpen, and saw incidents in her mind. There was Plo Koon's visit to Shili, and her own return there with Master Ti, twice, both ending in a dead Akul. She had seen the bird in the days leading up to Master Yoda assigning her to Skyguy. She had glimpsed it at several points since then, usually before or just after the really bad moments.

~What are you?~ she asked.

The bird just twisted its head a little, catching and holding Ahsoka's dream-gaze. The girl saw herself reflected there, saw an image of herself grown, face thinned by life and effort to survive, montrals tall and curving. She saw, more oddly, a figure unlike herself at all, superimposed on the image of the grown Ahsoka, very pale and ethereal.

With a sudden musical call, the bird launched away, before vanishing into the warm mesh of the power surrounding Ahsoka. The only real thought she was left with was that this was a focal point, a fulcrum in the movement of her life. Only what could possibly be important enough about her coming to terms with Barriss in friendship?

+++

Barriss noted that Ahsoka was quieter than usual, almost pensive, over breakfast. She didn't want to intrude to the quiet thoughts, but at the same time, the healing she knew suggested that deviations in behavior could be symptomatic of deeper problems.

"Ahsoka? Are you unwell today?"

The younger padawan looked at her, tipping her head slightly to the side. "No? Puzzling through something. Looking forward to meditation, actually."

Barriss half-smiled. "Now I know you must not feel quite yourself."

Ahsoka stared at her, then grinned broadly. "You made a joke!"

"I would never," Barriss protested, but she could not quite keep from smiling. "Maybe a little one."

"I like it." With that cheering her up, Ahsoka tore into her own breakfast, and Barriss felt slightly more sanguine.

+++

This time when Ahsoka hit the wall of her meditation, she stopped trying to force herself into the Cosmic Force, and envisioned the bird of the previous night's dream instead.

~The youngling is learning.~

Ahsoka could not bristle. The voice felt so old, almost weary, even in its amusement. She turned enough to see the bird, sitting on what looked to be an ominous spire set against a darkness Ahsoka could not penetrate.

~That looks frighteningly … wrong,~ Ahsoka told the bird.

~It needn't be anything but a warning.~

~A warning?~

~A possible future, I think you might say.~ The bird lifted off of it and flew toward the warm, inviting life that was the Force… taking a looping path that drew Ahsoka's eyes from the dark to a paler area to the one she saw as the whole. Except, if the other two parts bled into it, how could it be whole on its own? She followed the vista around, watching it fade and mute until it touched the darkness.

She then looked at herself, noticing there was a shadow over half of her, and the light shining on the other half.

It was far, far too terrifying, in this place of visions and metaphors to contemplate, yet Ahsoka was the padawan of Anakin Skywalker. She knew to take the fear and rise above it, not to give in. That's why he was the Hero with No Fear… none could see it because it fueled his efforts to end the cause for it.

~The Light and Dark are connected, and… I stand in both?~

The bird made a thoughtful thrumming noise at her, and Ahsoka decided that wasn't close enough. 

~They are connected and both are touching my life, with my choice yet to come?~

Now the bird launched directly for her and she put up an arm, staring as it was clad in a guard she did not recognize, much as she found herself wearing an armor plate on her chest. 

~Choose wisely, Ahsoka, and know that shadows do not disappear because of the Light. They become one with it… or they consume it.~

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is before the Mortis Arc. However, I think the Force already had plans for Ahsoka.


End file.
